I have two children under two. Well, Hollis is almost two - his birthday is in one week. Holden, our 8 month old, was an oops. We didn't plan to have our kids this closely together. In fact, I think my husband's exact words when I told him I was pregnant were "Oh, fuck." But now that they're here, we're doing the best that we can. Of course, everyone tells us the same BS about how they'll play together when they're older, we'll get diapers out of the way all at once, blah, blah, blah. The reality has been 3 years of raging hormones, sleepless nights, and countless hours of PBS Sprout. (Am I the only one totally annoyed by the Bernstain Bears?)
We thought the one benefit to having children 15 months apart was that Hollis wouldn't be old enough to resent the baby or remember a time when he didn't have to share his Mommy and Daddy. Oh were we wrong.....
Two nights ago Hollis was having a Daddy night. Daddy had to give him a bath. Daddy had to read to him. Daddy had to play with him. Daddy. Daddy. Daddy. (I only carried him for 9 months and made myself into a human pincushion for him. No biggy. I'm just Mommy.) Anyway, I settled myself on the loveseat while T & Hollis had their love fest on the couch. T & Hollis read some books and then it was time for Pingu on PBS Sprout. For those of you that have never seen Pingu, it's a claymation cartoon about a naughty but sweet little penguin, his family and friends. There are no words to the cartoon, but you can always tell exactly what the penguins are "talking" about in their little pingu penguin language. In that night's episode, Pingu was feeling neglected while his mother cared for his little sister, Pinga. He intentionally woke her up and then desperately tried to get his mother's attention while she fed, rocked, and played with Pinga. Pingu ends up hiding in the toy box in tears when his mother finally notices & comes over to hold him. Hollis watched the cartoon intently. This is pretty rare for him - he usually watches the cartoon for a minute or two and then plays with his Legos while half watching the rest. But not this time. He watched the entire cartoon with rapt attention and pointed and said "oh no" several times when Pingu was upset. When it ended, he waited a moment and seemed to be thinking. Then he climbed down, ran over & threw himself at me. Awwwwww. Then we had a little snuggle on the couch before he went to bed. Clearly Hollis identified with Pingu....
I don't know why it surprises me so when I discover what's going on in that little head of his. I just know that I felt guilty, guilty, guilty after I put Hollis to bed that night. I like to think that I make lots of special time for him, but I know that he's upset when he wants Mommy to hold/play with/read to him and I'm nursing/changing/rocking the baby. Now that Holden is more mobile it's actually becoming worse as I chase my little crawling H-man around the house. I discussed it with T that night and he reassured me that I'm as egalitarian as I can be with my time, love and attention. I know that parents of singletons have this same problem. Toddlers are, after all, black holes of parental attention who will suck every last ounce of energy out of us if given the chance. I'm just overwhelmed with the thought that I will never be able to give either of my boys as much attention as they would like. I'd love to know how all you moms out there make it work!
Labels: Mama Drama
Amer said...
